Christmas Challenge: Post 5
Jup, I missed the deadline for my Christmas Challenge. I am not gonna bore you with the reason for my failure. Let me simply assure you that it is not justifiable, and that I apologize. Not to you, dear reader. I am sure you have better things to do than supervise me keeping my deadlines.
I apologize to myself. For the unnecessary pressure, and for misunderstanding what actually motivates me. It seems publishing deadlines online is not a great motivator for me. It just stresses me out, and inhibits me from enjoying the stuff I do instead. To better understand what motivates me, I started reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Four Tendencies. Hopefully this’ll help me be a more diligent blogger in 2019.
Anyways, we are not here to talk about 2019 – not just yet, at least. I am determined to finish my Christmas Challenge, despite the missed deadline.
According to my Christmas Challenge overview, this post should be about entertainment. Reflecting on my achievements within entertainment, I wrote… I distinctly remember having a EURIKA thought when writing that, but now… I can’t think of anything but chocolate and carbs. Stupid, wonderful Christmas break, how you mess me up!
Okay, thinking it over, I believe 2018 is the year where I started to really treasure my freetime and, as a result, prioritize how I spend it: The people I see, the amount (and content…) of television I watch, how much I travel… It’s not like I’ve made major changes, but I do believe I have become more mindful about my time. About making the most of it. Which everyone should, I guess, and many probably already do. But to me, this has required a change in mindset.
You see, I always assumed that my job would be my life, my identity. I imagined working crazy hours – we’re talking lawyer or management consulting hours – with Meredith Grey devotion and ambitions in my field of work. However, my current position does not encourage that kind of work ethic, which frustrates and demotivates me.
I feel like a decent amount of potential is hiding somewhere deep inside of me. Unfortunately, I lack the discipline and skill to explore and nurture it. I want.. no, I need people to expect greatness from me, in order to develop and improve. I need a manager to acknowledge my potential and guide me accordingly. I need a respectable system with professional standards to learn from. I… could go on, but then you would probably start to think of me as high-maintenance(!).
When I initially realized that my needs are not met in my current work place, I freaked out. Big time. Mostly about all that freetime, you know – Was I wasting my time, my potential? I guess I probably was, at least for (quite) some time. Stupid Netflix… Then, I realized that the perfect work place is not gonna magically fall on my lap. I have to find (or create?) it for myself. To find it, however, I need to know myself better.
So I started really thinking about and planning my freetime, which involved trying out a lot of new things. Do I like climbing? I don’t know, let’s try it. Does meditating quiet my mind? Let’s see. Maybe I like photography… You see where I’m going with this.
In the end, what started out as an exploration ended up becoming my life. Partly, because I found that I enjoy trying out new things. But more importantly, because I along the way found activities I truly enjoy spending time on. Tennis. Coaching. Networks. Blogging… I started creating a life for myself outside of work, full of joy and ambitions, even, and I couldn’t be happier.
I have yet to find that perfect work place… but now, I at least have fun while searching for it!